The Most Meaningful 15 Days of My Life

[I began writing this Tuesday night, so until stated, it is from Tuesday's perspective.]

First a life update, then a VERY special post about the most amazing people on Earth.

Life Update:

Last night I had so much fun! I babysat one of my former campers. We played scooters in the gym, ate a fun dinner from the vending machine (which was broken so we got FOUR bags of chips for the price of one!) and the pool cafe, talked about Israel and Ireland (where his family is from, a few generations back), and eventually found ourselves pretending to be the Eleventh Doctor and Amy until his mom showed up. Then I went out with a new friend who has decided that we're going to cover all the bases on my Nashville bucket list together because he leaves for Germany for a year right before I leave for Israel! I didn't get home til 3 AM so I was really tired this morning. Thankfully I didn't work til noon so I was awake by the time I had to be on the stand (but it was super rainy and overcast so it was an easy day...I left BEFORE 8 PM!)

The Meat of this post:

This is going to take a while and will be boring for some people, but y'all can write your own blogs! This is the post where I talk about my Taglit (Birthright) trip and its participants. No TL;DR's, sorry!

As many of you know, I hadn't decided to make aliyah this year until I came back from my Taglit trip. I became a different person, a more spiritual person, a more loving person. I won't bore you with the details of my trip, but here is the story of how I knew I had make a 180 and would never be the same.

When we arrived at the Bedouin tents, it was like walking into another world. We had seen (and ridden!) camels for the first time, and the food was incredible. Ron told us that using utensils was rude, so we had a blast eating with our hands and pita, even the saucy rice! We had frisbees and soccer balls, but when we sat down for our bonfire, the instruments came out. We had some incredibly talented individuals in our group, but, most importantly, everyone sang together. As a result, we were the loudest and best-sounding group in the whole campsite (there were several other groups spending the night as well). When there was a lull, Kat reminded us of the meditation exercises she had put together. A lot of us wanted to stay and keep making music, but she made it very clear it would only work if everyone was there. Finally, everyone was walking towards an open area in the Judo-Samaran desert. The first thing we noticed was the sky. Most of us had never seen so many stars in our life! It was so beautiful, but we kept walking. Kat wanted it to be as quiet and far away from other groups as possible. Finally, we found a good spot. Since we had all been assigned a number on the first day of the trip, she instructed the evens to sit in a circle with their eyes closed and heads down. The odds were to circle around them standing up. As 35, I was intrigued. I was one of the people who wanted to stay behind because I thought we were going to be doing stuff like yoga out here, and it was so rocky! Kat told us to walk briskly around the evens while she read aloud various positive adjectives. We were to tap anyone on the shoulder who we thought could be described by that adjective (smart, funny, etc.). It was so beautiful. I never wanted it to end because I felt the need to tell everyone how amazing I think they are. All of a sudden, it was our turn. I sat down, expecting a tap here and there, knowing people liked me but I wasn't overly special or anything. I closed my eyes. All I could hear was the sound of Kat's voice. All I could feel was the constant thrum of taps, hair ruffles, quick hugs, kisses, taps on my arm from those next to me, and people brushing their fingers across my upper back when rushed. I began to cry. Then I began sobbing uncontrollably. Never in my life have I experienced such pure love. Every person telling me I was brave knew I would never know who they were exactly. Every person telling me I was kind meant it so purely, entirely unadulterated. These were people I had only known for a week or so. People who were under no obligation to like me, much less love me. I was paralyzed by the overwhelming emotion. Kat told us that we were to find a place to ourselves and meditate and enjoy the stars and the silence. As I sat in that same spot and cried softly, I realized I finally knew the true meaning of love. Before all this, I was the person who believed that if God existed, God was love, but there wasn't enough evidence to support it. When twenty-five relative strangers express such love for twenty-five more strangers, what more evidence is necessary? I looked up at the stars, the constellations, and realized I had found God. I sat with that thought and the tears began to flow again. Kat announced quietly that we were going to be heading back to camp. I continued to cry and was unable to speak as a few people surrounded me, hugged me, kissed me, and didn't ask what was wrong. They helped me up, asked if I was okay, and I could only break a smile and nod as the tears continued to flow. Then I was bombarded by the whole group, fortunately a few people at a time. More hugs, more kisses, more "are you okay?"s, and plenty of people to help me stop crying and get back to camp. I was fairly silent for a while after, until we started singing again and, during a break, I told Aaron what had happened out there in the desert. Zach and I spent the whole night (only four hours after almost everyone else had gone to bed) talking with other Taglit groups and playing crazy games and getting to know one another.

The next day consisted of hiking up Masada at sunrise, and as I saw this wonder, I had to keep reminding myself that last night was real and I was now a person that believed in a loving God. By the end of the day, we were in Jerusalem.

Our first full day in Jerusalem we went to the Western Wall (aka HaKotel HaMaravit, aka "the Kotel"). I had been preparing for this for a month, collecting notes and tzedakah (charity) from people around the JCC and the Jewish Federation of Nashville office. As a man was blessing me, my family, and my friends, I saw a blob of curly hair that had stopped out of the corner of my eye. When he was finally done, I saw that it was my friend from USY Michelle! We hugged quickly, exchanged reasons for being in Israel, and then I had to run to catch up with the rest of my group. We were briefed on what to expect, and then we said goodbye to the boys and made our way as a group of strong Jewish American women visiting the Kotel for the first time in our adult lives (many of us for the first time ever). Over the course of the trip, I had learned a lot about my fellow participants, and they about me. I'll forgo the details at the Wall as they are personal to not just myself but also some of the other girls with whom I had an extremely emotional experience. But as I walked away (backwards, as is symbolic to never fully turn your back on the Jewish people and its history, which is embodied in the Wall), I realized that everything had brought me to that moment. I thanked God for when I had to get a job instead of going on Ramah Seminar. I thanked God for when I got sick and couldn't go on Get Connected. I was thankful for every fight, every break-up, every detail, good or bad, that had led me to this particular trip, to this particular group. If I had gone with an organization other than Israel Experience, signed up for no extension, gone earlier or later than that particular date, been assigned to that bus, met those people, taken those risks, I would not have had that revelation in the desert, I would not have had as meaningful an experience at the Kotel, I would not be making Aliyah this October.

Aaron (TWO SIX)- You helped me through a true religious experience, with which I was unfamiliar. I don't know anybody who loves Israel more than you, and you were one of the first to be my brother in the group.

Adam- My wingman! Remember when Jesse and I helped you buy that hat on the first day? Instant friendship. I love how inseparable we were after. Come visit, and maybe I'll get to show off my improved haggling skills!

Adva- Oh yeah, I'm including the Israelis! You were a part of our trip! Adva, my roommate! Between the bird and teaching us about Israeli TV, we've always had a good laugh. Can't wait to see you again soon!

Amanda (Mandee)- The other birdie roommate :) You are the kind of person that can pull off cargo pants and airport clothes and still look awesome. The secret badass who is crazy smart but also really sweet. I hope you come to Israel so we can have more laughs!

Andrew- You ALWAYS could make me laugh. For some reason, you were a master at putting a smile on my face!

Annelise- You are truly a beautiful person. I'm so glad I know you, and for some reason I can't think of anything else to say because I have this feeling I'll see you again, sister!

Brianna (Bri)- My plane buddy :) Your accent flips me out, and you are HILARIOUS. Thanks for the gum, the smiles, and being my first friend on our trip.

Cass (Cass Money)- Whatever it is you do, you do YOU. I loved how when I was being goofy because I was a little scared of the camel and waved at you funny, you waved back! So glad I got a picture of that ;) You also helped me through some crazy stuff that last night of the trip. You are a true sister from another mister!

Chen- Even though we didn't talk much personally, I do know that you are one of the most fashionable people I know! We'll have to go shopping and have coffee when I get settled. I'm so glad I'll have the time to get to know you better!

Cody (Red Passion, Barak)- My brother from another mother. You have done some crazy stuff, and now we've done some crazy stuff together! I hope you'll come visit me and we can have even more adventures :)

Dan- I know I'll see you when I'm finally Israeli, but until then, know that all my local friends know about that damn goat.

David- Sexy thighs, man. You're such a sweetheart and I love having you as my brother!

Eden- Again, I didn't talk to you a whole lot, but I know you were probably the coolest person on our trip! Guess we can confirm or deny that when I'm back in Israel!

Elinor- What, did you think you trip leaders were exempt?? No way! Elinor, I cannot begin to describe how amazing you are. You helped me so much when I was first entertaining the idea of making Aliyah in the fall instead of waiting a few years. I consider you the big sister I never had, but also a mentor (I guess they go hand in hand). I can't wait to see you in October!!!!!

Emily- Who but you brings a flute on their Birthright trip?? Real talk, you're incredible and hilarious and I missed you every day of that extension!

Emma- You are hilarious and sweet and an amazing friend. We had some great times together and I hope you come visit me!

Eugene- I wish I could say something more meaningful than making a joke about eggs. Just kidding, you're one of the most genuine people I know and I'm honored to know you :)

Ev- Other plane buddy! You are truly unique and it's been a trip to know you. Come visit me in the holy land any time :)
EYAL- I can't believe I almost forgot you!!! Even though you probably will never see this, it must be said what a great bus driver you are. You put up with ALL our crap, including 2 AM pickups, helping us with luggage, and so on. Thank you Eyal for being our driver!!

Gabe- You are my camel buddy 4 lyfe. Ain't no bond stronger than that. You were by my side the whole trip and we had some amazing talks about religion and God and camels and dinosaurs and everything! I cannot wait for you to come see me in my new home :)

Isabel (Izzy)- Fellow coxswain, instant friendship! 'Nuff said!

Janet- My secret badass! You are talented, funny, and a GREAT roommate! I loved spending time with you :)

Jasper- You crazy man. Making drum kits out of water bottles and logs and anything else you can find. Being one of the kindest people on our bus. Partying with the hardest of us. Loving accordingly. Promise you'll come visit and we'll throw down :)

Jesse (Nips)- I befriended you in the airport, praying you would be on my bus. You are THE most unique person I know, with a heart as big as the Earth. And although you almost never wore a shirt that actually functioned as a proper shirt, you were in a good place to be you. I hope you know that, and visit me soon.

Jonathan (Jon)- I can honestly say that one of the things I miss about our bus is your laugh. You were an exceptional group leader, even though you had already done everything 983504981305 times already and sometimes you got bored (*cough* camels...I have photo evidence). You taught me more about Israeli politics and in a different way so I could better understand. You're all-around a great guy and I hope to hear that you'll be in Israel soon so we can hang out again!

Jon K. (Jon the Participant)- You have a really big heart and an extraordinary smile! I'm so glad you were on our bus!

Josh L.- Sleepyhead. You slept every bus ride and, because you always wore headphones, were so confused every time we woke you up. Sometimes, though, you'd surprise us by interjecting your two cents while we thought you were sleeping or just not paying attention! 

Josh B. (DECEPTICON)- I loved watching you grow on this trip. Not just because you had a birthday, but when you actually started to talk. You have some incredible things to say and a captivating voice. Consider this an open invitation to visit me in Israel to discuss anything and everything and in general have a good time!

Katharine (K-Dog, Kat-bomb, K-Diggity, Kat, Kat-dog, Snug Bud, etc.)- Where to begin? You are a true sister, one that, if I allowed myself, I would spend the rest of the night discussing the finer points on how much I love you and why (It's half past midnight now, and I've got a full day tomorrow). Since I can't, I will just say that you are one of the people that helped me evolve into this new person (more directly than creating a meaningful meditation session for the whole bus), taught me how to love the new me by simply being a loving person to others, and in general is a kind soul who I am proud to know. And on that note, let's end the mushy stuff and PARTY!

Kayla- I hope you'll see this. You are just an incredible person who always sticks to her guns. I am so glad to know you!

In order to keep the flow and stay away from tired-Shirit speak, I'll continue this in the morning. Goodnight!

It's a stormy day in Nashville, so I'm glad I have enough battery to last me a while! Let's get this ball rolling again, shall we?

Lea- I don't know where to start. You are a kind-hearted person who knows just what to say. You know how to get down which resulted in some great memories! I really hope I will see my sister soon in Israel :)

Madeline- I didn't get to talk to you that much, but I know you're a sweet girl who loves to party! Maybe when you come to Israel we'll get to hang out more :)

Maggie- From the moment I met you, I knew you were tres fab! Beyond that, we had some very deep discussions about anything and everything and I was so sad when you left (and couldn't say goodbye). Please come visit me next time you're in Israel!

Mai- My Mai! Achoti! I loved getting to know you. You helped a lot when I was trying to figure out what to do about the army for when I made aliyah. I can't wait to see you again, and soon you'll see me in MY uniform!

Marisa- My rivallllll. Just kidding! Even though you're a Bama girl, we had some good times together, especially when we were roomies! Feel free to hit me up when you come to Israel next :)

Matthew (Matt, Chicken Little, Chicken Nugget, Nugget, etc.)- My baby brother! I miss you so much and I better see you in Israel sometime soon, ya hear? 

Melissa- In being my sweetheart roomie in Tel Aviv, we had some amazing times together! For a high school teacher, you are a lot of fun. I hope you and Corey have a long life together, and spend some of it visiting Israel (and me)!

Morgan (Captain Morgan, The Captain, "Morgan Lane")- You were a staple of our bus. The one person who isn't afraid to tell us to shut up and listen to Ron, but also the one who can get down like no other! I loved getting to know you and gossiping on the extension like middle school girls! You were a great roommate and helped me get through that last night. I hope you come visit me in Israel!

Nitsan- Nitsani! I was glad you came to us in a pinch and that you were the one chosen to be our guard and medic. You brought an element of order to our chaotic bus, and yet we all know you are fun-loving! I hope to see you when I come to Israel :)

Noah- Oh god, Noah. I love being able to call you my brother. You might be one of the craziest people I know, but at the same time you are a down-to-earth and pure, caring soul. I know that I will see you again and we can enjoy Israel together.

Noam (PARTY BOY)- Achi, you have a captivatingly beautiful voice. When we sing together, I feel so connected like nothing else matters. You are soulful and a wonderful human, and I can't wait to spend more time with you when I am back in Israel. Besides, you know how to party like no other!!

Ron- I am proud to call you Dad (I already have an Abba). You taught me that no matter how secular you are, you can still love God, the Jewish people, and all that comes with being Jewish. The stories you told and the way you presented the land of Israel were so unique and meaningful, even if you were telling it as a Star Wars metaphor! Your words would bring me to other lands, ancient times, funny situations, battlefronts, and spiritual places. I know when I come to Israel, I will be able to call you and Rotem if I need a place to feel at home. You are an incredible person and I am so excited that our story did not end the day I left Israel.

Sara- I am so glad to know you! You are hilarious and sweet and we had some great times together! I hope we can hang out when you come back to Israel :)

Skylar- You are an amazing person and SO much fun! I'm happy to call you my sister and you have an open invitation for when you come to Israel!

Sydney G. (Japan)- You are such a talented artist! Designing the original shirts with you was a great experience, and I'm glad we're snapchat buds still :) Come visit me in the holy land and we'll take more selfies and party hard!

Sydnye B. (Mom)- Sydnye, I cannot describe the way I feel about you. We did have some crazy times, but the moments I remember most are the meaningful talks and when we prayed together for the first time. You will always be my sister and I reserve a special place in my heart for the angel nephew I love :) You are such a strong and beautiful person that MUST come visit me the moment she comes back to Israel.

Vittorio Lino (Vito, Lino, Mustachio, etc.)- You are such a unique person, the first person that I sat next to on the bus. In that time, we talked about so many things including politics, nature, and music. Besides all the crazy quirks that I could talk about (*cough* the famous banana hammock), we had some amazing times together and I'm glad I got to know you as well as I did. Please come visit so we can make even more memories!

Yoela (Justice, Chief Justice)- Even though we didn't always get along, I still have a special place in my heart for you because you were a part of our bus, and, as mentioned earlier, things might not have gone the way they did if even the smallest thing had been different. You are brilliant and funny (even when you don't mean to be), and while we clashed on many things, I still respect you and hope we can sit down for some coffee when you come back to Israel :)

Zach- My favorite part about what our friendship was that it was exactly that. If all the other stuff was gone, we would still be very good friends who tied cherry stems in knots with our tongues and burped in each other's faces and saw Israel for the first time side by side. And the best part is that we still are pop rock loving friends who will be reunited in Israel, back where it started. You have a special place in my heart, and I can't wait to see you again and show you my uniform and tell you about the crazy stories that I'll have.

For those of you reading this and were not on my Birthright trip, I hope this wasn't too dull for you but maybe shed some light on the incredible people that helped shape me into the pre-Aliyah person I am today.